There’s a kind of ache that lingers when someone calls you “friend,” but never shows up like one.
Maybe you know that feeling — the courage it takes to reach out, plan a visit, extend a warm invitation. You cook, you clean, you open your home and heart… only to be met with silence after the one-time supper. No follow-up. No call. No next step. And slowly, the questions creep in:
Did I say something wrong? Was I too much? Am I just not worth it?
I’ve spent years asking those quiet questions. I was the teenage mom people didn’t know how to talk to. The young wife trying to hold a marriage together with no blueprint. The woman whose divorce made her “less than” in the eyes of the church. And if I lived too far out of town? Well, apparently, that made me unreachable — unworthy of phone calls or connection.
But I’ve also had to face the mirror. I haven’t always been a real friend either. Not the kind God calls us to be. Not the kind Jesus modeled. I’ve let fear and discouragement keep me from reaching out again, from inviting again. I’ve sat with the lie that maybe I just wasn’t meant to belong.
But Abba won’t let me settle there. Because He’s shown me something better.
Friendship Isn’t Optional — It’s Obedience
Real friendship isn’t a bonus for the extroverts. It’s the Gospel lived out in daily love.
Ruth didn’t stay with Naomi out of convenience — she chose the harder road, the lonelier path, because love is loyal even when it’s costly. And Mary didn’t just visit Elizabeth for a social check-in — she ran to her, full of joy and expectation, because when God is moving in your life, you need women who will recognize it, rejoice in it, and protect it.
And then there’s Nathan.
He didn’t flatter David. He didn’t say, “Well, that’s between you and God.” No. He showed up with truth wrapped in a parable, and when David saw his sin, he wept. That’s what real friends do — they risk the friendship to save the soul. And David? He didn’t lash out. He received it. Because he knew the heart behind it was holy.
That’s the kind of friendship most of us say we want. But if we’re honest… do we give it?
The Absence of Intentional Love
We blame schedules, kids, distance, “seasons.” But God never called us to convenient love.
He called us to intentional love. The kind that drives across town without needing a reason. The kind that follows up, checks in, sends the text, prays without being asked, and doesn’t just wait for someone else to go first.
The absence of intentional love isn’t neutral — it’s wounding. It tells someone, “You’re not worth the effort.” We might not say those words, but our silence speaks them loud.
And let’s be real — shallow love is everywhere. Groups form around coffee and Instagram likes, but no one notices when someone disappears. We gather “in Jesus’ name” but don’t live like He did.
Jesus didn’t host potlucks and walk away. He washed feet. He told the truth. He restored the broken. He wept with the hurting. He sat with the ones others avoided. He called Judas “friend” even as He was betrayed.
Friendship, to Jesus, wasn’t a side dish — it was central to the Kingdom.
Be the Friend You Long For
If you’re waiting for someone to pursue you — I get it. But maybe this is the moment God is calling you to become what you’re longing for. To move first. To risk first. To love first.
Be the friend who calls. Who doesn’t keep score. Who speaks truth even when it’s uncomfortable. Who sees women not for their Instagram, but for their soul. Who loves like Yeshua, no strings attached.
Yes, you may be rejected.
Yes, they might not love you back.
But you’ll be walking in obedience. And that’s the kind of woman the Lord delights in.
And if you’ve failed…
Sister, so have I. But Jesus hasn’t.
Even when others leave you out, He never leaves.
Even when others forget you, He calls you chosen.
Even when you feel unworthy, He declares you beloved.
He gave His last breath for you — not because you earned it, but because He wanted you.
And if He is your friend — truly — then you will have everything you need to become the kind of friend this world desperately needs.
🕊 A Simple Prayer
Lord, I confess I have not always been a true friend. I’ve waited for others to love me first, instead of obeying You. Give me courage to love intentionally — like Ruth, like Nathan, like Your Son. Teach me to lay down my fears and love with holy boldness. Fill the lonely places with Your presence, and help me reflect Your friendship to the women You’ve placed in my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.